When things get rough

When you have certain things going on in your life how do you get through them?  I have a busy schedule already and then when something abnormal happens it really throws me off.  I have a hard time with wanting to have everything planned out and even if those planned this are a little off as long as it is on the general time line I do fine.  However when something out of the ordinary pops its head in I go nuts.  

My biggest thing is I always make a budget.  I sit down and write out when I get paid vs what bills are due and which need to be paid out of said pay day.  With life throwing me a curve ball I have really screwed this up and got behind.  Now I am struggling to get caught back up and get things paid in their place.  It does not help that I just recently moved and have to readjust due dates for things like electric and water. 

I used to use an excel worksheet on the computer and it worked great for years.  Now I find it harder to get on my computer unless it is to do work, school, or log a kid on.  So I am trying to get back to the old paper and pen method and calendars.

What do you use to do your budget?

Colorado Murder

Back in August 2018 there was a horrific murder. Husband and father, Chris Watts, murdered his pregnant wife and two daughters. This has been something that has hit the feelers for me. While wife, Shanann Watts, was very active on social media, we got the picture that life was perfect. If you think about it most of the time that is how anyone tries to paint life on social media. While we may never know if there was any type of domestic violence that occurred before this, we do know it ended this story. It is scary to think even the first time someone is violet that it could or would lead to death. I am so thankful that my story did not end that way. The horror continues as you think about him killing her because of differences they may have had, or afraid of that would happen after a seperation. He then proceeded to kill his children. His two beautiful little girls that held him as the light in their eyes. I watched video after video of him being such a great dad. I’m stumped on what could ever make him hurt them. Some still believe he didn’t kill them, and if he didn’t, he still stuffed them into oil tanks for their final resting place. 

While I am a member of several groups that are talking about this case, they bring many memories up. The other day it was mentioned about why Shanann didn’t fight back? There were no marks or evidence that she fought him back. This could go two ways. Maybe she seen he already killed the babies, she just gave up and didn’t care. However my reality when I was choked was I didn’t have the strength to fight back. When you can’t move otherwise they start squeezing harder, you stop in shock. All I ever could do was look him in the eye and mouth please stop. It didn’t take long before things would go blank and me limp. Luckily that is when my abuser would let go so I didn’t die. 

This post has no meaning, just rambling thoughts from me on a hot topic. Remember if anyone reading this need someone to talk to, I am here. Open ears and heart with no judgement.