The time is near

So this is getting close to the rough part of my year. First of all Aug. 1st is my brothers birthday. He also passed away Sept. 15th 2005. I love to rejoice for him on his birthday, wishing him the greatest in heaven. Yet soon after comes the mourning. I know I shouldn't mourn his loss but I can't help to feel jealous that he is in heaven without me. My brother and I may not have always gotten along but he was always there when I needed him. I remember as a small kid one of my earrings came out and grew shut. I wanted them back so bad so he sat with me and slowly worked them back into my ears. He was always sure to let boys know not to mess with me either. I'll never understand why God took him so soon from me but I have to have faith it was for a good reason.

This year is especially hard for me as I am also going through a divorce. I lay awake alot of a night praying that my brother could help guide me with his nonjudgmental words. He was always so great about not pointing fingers fir things that happen in the past. I just miss getting to show him my kids or like the new horse I got. He loved animals and family.

I love and miss you with every piece of my heart and soul bub.

Single Mom

So what is a mom? Well I am not sure some days. I believe that I am so much all bunched under one title. A mom is so much more than a woman that gives birth to a baby. Every day I do something new in my life that I can only file under mom duty.
Tonight I am sitting up awake while the house is sound asleep. Why you ask? Because tonight I pull another mom duty. My 3 year old son fell off the bed and bumped his head. He now has a nasty goose egg knot back there. He seems to be doing good and responsive, but now is bed time. So as a worry wort (another mom duty) here I sit next to him randomly poking him to make sure he is breathing and responds.
I wonder somedays how I manage to do it all yet seem like nothing is done at the same time. For a mom's job is never done. Very tiring job this is....yet I wouldn't trade it for the world. Some say I worry to much and should lighten up. I say to them that they must not have the mom roll correctly installed. I am a mother and I will over worry, over protect, over analize, over react and over do so many other things until the day I die.
My dad the other day made a good point, cherish every moment you have with your children because you never know when that chance will end. I do not want to be the mom that looks back and thinks I should have done something different. I want to be the mom that does it the best way I know how to now. I do not want to have regrets on how I raised my kids or time that I spent with them.
I want my kids to know I have and will always love them matter what. Even when I make them mad at me because I made them clean their room. Once again as a mom that is my job. My kids may not always be happy with me but in the end they will love me for bringing them up the right way.
So that is why I sit here tonight, losing a nights sleep that I will never get to make up, to over protect my child while he and my other babies sleep peacefuly. When morning comes and I am tired and grumpy I will at least relish in the fact that I made sure my son woke up with me.

Mommy loves you Micah.

Birthday fit for a farmer

So I could not decide what kind of cake to make my soon to be three year old for his birthday. He is the kind of kid that likes everything but loves nothing. I finally decided to just go to Walmart and see where his mood took us. Well as you see it went straight to a John Deere farm set. So here is the cute guys cake!